Fair point, your patreon doesn't contain anything about the game. I don't see how your Patreon is really here to help you improve your grammar as the about section is already in perfect English. Too often I see half-baked products thrown up on this site lazily while they hide content behind a paywall.
That said this game is still very early in progress. If you want my suggestions, its this:
- While I might like the surreal nature of them, improve the AI art backgrounds. They're so visually noisy that they look like they were made quickly and without care. It takes a while to really figure out how to do prompts, so experiment and find something that works as a background. For example, the chapter_#.png pictures look good, but gym_n.png has bizarre lighting, confusing dimensions and lacks clarity as to what it is.
- The intro is unnecessarily wordy and is uninteresting. I'd rather see the protagonists initial journey to university, only to realize it wasn't what he wanted. While the individual sentences of the intro sound good on their own, the content overall is unexciting. You could also just skip all of this, and instead start the story with the protagonist returning home after a disappointing attempt at university. Think of the great stories that you're a fan of. How much preamble does it give you, instead of showing the events that start the adventure?
- Right after the grammatically sound intro we get the dialogue which is unedited. For this you simply can throw the text into chatGPT or something like that and ask for it to edit it for you. ChatGPT's pretty good at editing stuff like this, as long as it's simple enough. You can even ask the model to explain its changes, which might help you with learning English.
- Right after Londa says she'll show you the city, the player is left alone in their room without guidance. I think a sandbox like this should railroad the player down the main story for a little while until they understand how to navigate and what the stats of the game are. For example, maybe Londa could say, "meet me in the kitchen when you're ready to go." and the player has to find the kitchen. From there she can drag you around town.
- Ensure you have a clean, readable UI. This is pretty hard to do without assistance, as you're the one creating the game so you'll know where every button is. The back button in many scenes is very hard to see, for example. For sandboxes like this, you should have a shortcut button to the map and to the player's bedroom to ease navigation. Some way to skip time anywhere is also a plus.
- These games live and die based on the quality of their walkthrough. There's a bunch of good quality sandboxes on here that get negative reviews just because the walkthrough is bugged or unclear. Wrong instructions makes the player feel like their time is wasted. I'm fairly certain I broke Maria's quest the first time I played this because the guide isn't clear at all. I think it's saying "Visit park day 3. Visit park every 2 days following this." but I might be missing a day and she'll never return. If she's only available specifically for day 3, then this is a recipe for disaster as the player will feel screwed out of a character if they can accidentally disable her from gameplay.
- Looking through the videos, is there just Maria's quest with lewd rewards? Just add more. It's good to have multiple girls that the player can focus on lest they get bored. Currently this game just seems like you talk to her, go home, sleep, repeat. One interaction with a girl per time period should be the minimum.
- The ai video of the girls talking, while interesting tech-wise, is incredibly creepy. You're already using intellectual property that's not yours (the porn) so I don't think you should feel bad taking video clips from somewhere else.
What's your goal with designing this game? What will make your game stand out? If it's just to practice game design or art or writing skills, then you should be happy with whatever you got as it is experience. If you want your game to stand out, you'll have to find a way to be unique or memorable. It's got to be something that people will remember and want to see grow. If you think of the real big or popular games here, they're either very visually distinct and impressive, contain an actual entertaining story, or appeal to a specific fetish of some kind. Not every game needs to be a literary masterpiece, or contain masterful erotic art, but they all have something special about them.
It's also important for a developer who wants to have an actual engaged audience here to deliver content at a reasonable pace. Game development is hard, even for a game in Ren'py or RPGM or other simple engines. Before you publish something early, you should be comfortable with adding new content to your game without breaking the functionality of the game.
If I were you, I wouldn't have published this game here in this section of the site. There are game design forums here that I've seen devs post about their work first, and found some volunteers to play very early versions of. This is likely a much better way to get advice for the creative process, compared to what you'll find putting your game in the general games section. While the development forums might be happy testing a barebones game, the users of the general forum have expectations when downloading a product. As an advertisement for the game, posting it here really isn't the best first step, as now the game's first page is full of criticisms rather than praise.
I apologize if this is too much. I did want to give legit criticism considering I neglected that originally but I did end up rambling. I wish you good luck with the rest of this project.
